The followup – How Much Should We Change Our Lives? by Urban Stepmom

I recently posted about Urban Stepmom’s dilemma regarding how much we should expect ourselves (and each other) to sacrifice for our stepkids. Wednesday Martin describes this set of assumptions and pressures (internal and external) as StepMartyr Syndrome.

It’s an interesting question, and as with everything stepfamily-related, there are starkly differing opinions out there. Married to Batman has a different take on it from me, for instance.

Lisa at Urban Stepmom has given the issue some more thought and come to a conclusion that will hopefully work for her and her family.

Here’s the start of her update; click through to read the whole post.

…Or Not Change Our Lives?

My last post got me thinking.  Do the kids really come first? Is the greater good of this “family” more important than my needs? How much should I change my life to accommodate this stepmom choice? And I came to a couple of conclusions:

1) Who do I think I am, Mother Theresa?

2) You can’t do something for others and then resent them for “making you” do it.

I realized that over the course of the last six and a half years, since I met my husband, I sacrificed HUGE things in my life, for him, for the kids, for his ex, for them, for what I thought was “us”, for what I thought I was supposed to do.


Click here to read the full post.



Filed under Family, Remarriage, Stepfamily Life, Writing

3 responses to “The followup – How Much Should We Change Our Lives? by Urban Stepmom

  1. I read through the full post and agree completely, especially with the fact that I can’t fix decisions the children’s mother has made. I have a strong tendency to want to fix what is wrong, but I didn’t create what is most wrong in this situation, and the only person who can even try to fix it–the children’s mother–has no interest in anything but her own well-being. No amount of bending or twisting myself is going to change that. I do believe I can be a safe and comforting caretaker for the children, though, knowing they will need that very much as things progess.

  2. I’ve found that the only major changes I’ve made have been done unconsciously and with no resentment to speak of (at least not yet.) But it’s only been a few years…

  3. Its definitely a huge change especially if you have no children of your own and grew up with a strict set of rules. I know the hubs feels guilty about not spending every moment of their lives with them but there has to be some form of discipline, right?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s