Is there really an epidemic of BPD among separated parents? (from In The Blender)

A couple of days ago, I reposted an article from Suite 101 called How Narcissists Abuse Children During Divorce in response to the huge weight of discussion in the online step-parenting community about personality disorders like Narcissistic Personality Disorder and the conflict explosions they reportedly generate in separation, divorce and co-parenting situations.

(Some of the comments on that post have been really interesting, and relate equally to this topic. Just so you know…)

To round out the topic, I’m reposting a great article by BioStep at In The Blender that explores Borderline Personality Disorder, the personality disorder most commonly mentioned in relation to co-parenting and divorce.

Only a small portion of BioStep’s article is included here, but it’s well worth clicking through (the link is at the end) to read the rest.

If what you read there rings true for you, there are some good resources available online about Borderline Personality Disorder generally, as well as a Yahoo usergroup specifically for people in “the sad and scary position of having to “co-parent” with a BPD against their choice”, and an online shop where you can buy William Eddy’s classic book Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing A Borderline or Narcissist.

(I don’t like the term “bio-mother/mum/mom” and don’t normally use it myself, hence it is not included in the title of this post. Sorry, BioStep!)

Is there really an epidemic of BPD among BioMoms?

It wasn’t until I became involved with the stepmom community that I heard about Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).  The first book I encountered was “Stop Walking on Eggshells:  Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder” (by Paul T. Mason and Randi Kreger).  The book asks: Do you feel manipulated, controlled, or lied to? Are you the focus of intense, violent, and irrational rages? Do you feel you are ‘walking on eggshells’ to avoid the next confrontation?

I can hear the pastor of The Church of Stepmom saying, “Can I get an amen???”

If you’re reading the posts on stepmom support sites, BPD symptoms describe the behavior of a lot of biomoms perfectly and many stepmoms freely throw around an armchair diagnosis. But is there really an epidemic of undiagnosed BPD running rampant among biomoms?

Maybe.  Maybe not.

. . . . . . . . . .

Visit In The Blender to read the rest of the article.



Filed under Linkety-Link, Remarriage, Resources, Stepfamily Life

3 responses to “Is there really an epidemic of BPD among separated parents? (from In The Blender)

  1. It is really, really easy to ascribe various behavious and symptoms to ‘fit’ the syndrome. As the old medicial adage goes, “When you hear hoof beats, think of horses, not zebras.”

  2. Thanks for the repost! The title of your post is most appropriate as BPD and NPD do not discriminate. The symptoms can be as prevalent in men as they are in women.

    I think if you’re dealing with someone that displays the symptoms of either personality disorder, you have to ask yourself: Is it BPD/NPD or is it just bad behavior? Is it really a personality disorder or is it unresolved anger over the divorce, the inability to move on, lack of coping skills, a desperate need to control or all of the above?

    Sometimes it seems like such a fine line.

  3. Amber

    My husband is BPD and I promise that if you have ever lived with a BPD that you will know it for sure. I would be suspicious of anyone who “discovers” BPD during a divorce as the symptoms are impossible to miss much much earlier than that. Unfortunately, most BPD’s are impossible to help. No matter how much you love then and how much you try – unless they are self motivated to seek help it wont work. And even when they are self motivated, they still have problems especially with keeping a therapist. It seems impossible, some days are impossible. Theres no way out either… a BPD ex is almost a worse thought than a BPD husband.

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