Stepfamily wedding vow suggestions. Anyone? Help!

So, the Lovely Man and I are getting married.

And he wants to include something in the ceremony that includes and maybe even speaks directly to the Boys.

It’s hard to navigate. So I’m cautious.

There are a few “nots”.

I’m absolutely not going to say anything that doesn’t feel true.

I’m not ready to promise the kids anything that isn’t entirely in my power to deliver, or shouldn’t be solely my responsibility, eg I promise to build a strong relationship with you.

And I refuse to say anything that might tighten the choke hold of their loyalty binds – no “Yay, new family, love everyone, take you to be my children, yay!” kinds of things. Honestly, I Googled “stepfamily wedding vows” and there was so much schmaltz that I entered a whole new emotional state – kind of a cross between nauseated and despairing.

(Sorry if that offends anyone – I can imagine lots of stepfamilies where sentimental love statements might not be out of place in a wedding ceremony. Ours isn’t one of them, though.)

Please, could those of you who are married or planning on getting married or just have an opinion share what, if anything, your wedding ceremony had/will have/would hypothetically have specifically related to your stepchildren and stepfamily?

If you’ve already had a ceremony including stepfamily references, how did it work out?

More on Marrying the Wrong Person (via Marriage Gems)

Following on from my post yesterday Do you ever think your partner is Mr Wrong? is Lori Lowe’s sequel article More on Marrying the Wrong Person.

Lori’s Marriage Gems blog is a fabulous resource, and a timely reminder for stepmothers about the importance of insisting on investing in our marriage/relationship instead of throwing ourselves headfirst into wrangling the stepkids or fighting the ex-wife wars at its expense.

After all, we made this commitment primarily to our partners, and while we may have readily signed up for all the “extras” stepfamily life entails, it’s important not to get so caught up by the free set of steak knives that we leave the George Foreman Miracle Marvel Magic Grill Centre* to forlornly gather dust in a corner cupboard.

Or something like that…

*Product may be imaginary and may not be available, instore or online, now or ever.

“I have no way of knowing whether or not you married the wrong person. But I do know that if you treat the wrong person like the right person, you could well end up having married the right person after all. It is far more important to be the right kind of person than it is to marry the right person.” — author and motivational speaker Zig Ziglar This quote summarizes the discussion we’ve been having about marrying the wrong person. My post last … Read More

via Marriage Gems