The followup – How Much Should We Change Our Lives? by Urban Stepmom

I recently posted about Urban Stepmom’s dilemma regarding how much we should expect ourselves (and each other) to sacrifice for our stepkids. Wednesday Martin describes this set of assumptions and pressures (internal and external) as StepMartyr Syndrome.

It’s an interesting question, and as with everything stepfamily-related, there are starkly differing opinions out there. Married to Batman has a different take on it from me, for instance.

Lisa at Urban Stepmom has given the issue some more thought and come to a conclusion that will hopefully work for her and her family.

Here’s the start of her update; click through to read the whole post.

…Or Not Change Our Lives?

My last post got me thinking.  Do the kids really come first? Is the greater good of this “family” more important than my needs? How much should I change my life to accommodate this stepmom choice? And I came to a couple of conclusions:

1) Who do I think I am, Mother Theresa?

2) You can’t do something for others and then resent them for “making you” do it.

I realized that over the course of the last six and a half years, since I met my husband, I sacrificed HUGE things in my life, for him, for the kids, for his ex, for them, for what I thought was “us”, for what I thought I was supposed to do.

…..

Click here to read the full post.

Top 10 Remarriage and Stepfamily Blogs for 2010

Yay!

I’m thrilled to announce (a bit late – as ever, there’s been lots going on here) that Stepmum Of The Year picked up a gong from the fantastic stepfamily resource site reMarriage Works as one of their Top 10 Remarriage and Stepfamily Blogs for 2010.

If you’re in a stepfamily and are looking for more support and resources – and I’m guessing most of us are constantly schnuffling around for new and helpful information on stepfamily life like a French pig hunting truffles – then head over to reMarriage Works to look at some of the other blogs in the top 10 list.

Some, like Wednesday Martin’s amazing blog and Becoming A Stepmom, will probably be familiar to you, but despite having a blog subscription list the size of the Dead Sea Scrolls there are a few I hadn’t come across before.

And truly, who could possibly resist a blog with a name like Rockstar Coparenting?

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Going on lockdown

Dear Selfish Stepmom,

I understand that you’ve gone on lockdown for privacy reasons, but I’ve really missed reading your story.

Could you please invite me as a reader?

stepmumoftheyear at me dot com

Thanks!

B

Ultimate self-care

I’m far, far away for a couple of weeks catching up with my lovely friend S, who is getting married.

It feels very indulgent to head halfway across the world like this; in fact, I owe the chance to wish S well at her wedding to her fiancé, P, who cemented his status as all-round great guy forever by flying me over for the wedding on his points as a wedding present to S.

So that’s three very lucky people right there!

Anyway, until I get back posts are likely to be curtailed or non-existent – I’ll be busy helping S get ready for her big day and also probably won’t have a lot of connectivity.

The search string diaries bite back

Trawling through three months of blog statistics yesterday, I discovered what may well be the strangest search string ever.

(Subtext here: with the current mix of three rampant Boys in my loungeroom, the Lovely Man’s father and stepmother arriving this afternoon, a three course lunch for nine to cook for tomorrow and several appointments to attend in addition, this post would perhaps better be titled “Search String Cop-Out”. But that’s ok, as Boy C would say.)

Drumroll…….

“when you’re up to your ass in alligators”

!!!

All I could think was:

Alligators? We don’t even have alligators in Australia! Why would I write about alligators?

Then, belatedly, I remembered this post.

Mystery solved, Nancy Drew.

Search string #53861

I do get a giggle or twenty from the search strings that pop up in my WordPress statistics from time to time.

Lately I’ve seen the usual sorts of stuff:

step mum of the year,

stepmother disengage toaster – presumably someone looking for Sherri’s Disengagement post at Too Many Toasters,

stepford stepmother - which washed up at my Stepmother Mantras post,

loyalty binds in divorce,

meeting your ex husbands new partner etc etc etc

All pretty standard, wouldn’t you say?

Until today, when I found THIS!

“sample house rules for religious stepfamily camping”

Ummm.

Sorry people. You’ve definitely come to the wrong coven.

Thankyou. Thankyou. Thankyou again!!!

Thanks so much to Peggy from The Stepmom’s Tool Box for awarding Stepmum Of The Year the Best Blog Award.

It means a lot coming from you, Peggy, and it also means a lot to be receiving it in the company of blogstars like Wednesday Martin, Jacquelyn Fletcher, Jennifer Newcomb and Izzy Rose (whose books I own to the last woman!).

Now, to business:

My solemn duty as a Best Blog Award recipient is to nominate my fifteen (fifteen! eeek!) most read blogs.

As newish blogger, I’m kind of unsure about the etiquette of awards. Ideally it would be nice to spread the love more widely and avoid awarding the blogs that Peggy awarded, but I’d be lying if I didn’t replicate just a little.

Wednesday Martin, whose book, Stepmonster, saved my life when this story was oh-so-new and oh-so-scary. Even the reader comments on her blog rock!

The Wicked Stepmom, who writes with such humour and grace about being anything but wicked.

Becoming A Stepmom. Jacquelyn Fletcher’s Stepmom Circles podcasts are absolutely required listening when I’m commuting to work.

Fools Rush In. Jacob’s recent post on Measuring A Stepmarriage in Dog Years is a scream. A true scream. Enough said.

Jennifer Newcomb Marine and Carol Marine, author/bloggers at No One’s The Bitch. Their book was the first place I turned when the Boys’ Mum said she wanted to meet me for the Very First Time.

A Touch Of The Crazy, and not only because her 10 things never to say to a stepmother post should be syndicated onto the sides of buses.

21st Century Stepdad Man. I love hearing about stepfamily life from a bloke’s point of view. Especially thoughtful ones with such fabulous turns of phrase.

There are lots of other fantastic stepmother blogs I read each day, but many are either password only, or the content is fairly personal, so I’m loathe to send links their way.

My other favourite bloggy morsels include:

The Sartorialist. I once read a confession on PostSecret that went something like “Every single morning when I get dressed, I ask myself whether The Sartorialist would photograph me in my outfit.” Not being a sensible shoes type, I can relate.

Making Things Up for the rough and tumble plus giggles of life with kids.

Dooce, of course. I’m reading in the hope she’ll spill the beans on how her baby’s eyes got so damn blue.

A Dress A Day. Check out the Secret Lives of Dresses series if you’ve ever wondered what your frocks are saying to each other about you.

Peter Black’s Freedom To Differ for a bit of politico-legal-media bite with breakfast. I don’t agree with all you say, Peter, but I often chuckle at your special way of saying it.

Kitchen Retro for some “pop culture retrospectacular” action. The toast wheelbarrows may be the silliest piece of food frippery I’ve ever seen.

Tales of the Read Headed Devil Child. I first came across Nikki through her post 10 things you probably shouldn’t say to a teenage mum, but kept reading because I so admire her feistiness. If I’d been a teenage mum I would have been a pathetic mousy little thing, quailing before societal disapproval; I love that she speaks up strong.

Pithy & Cleaver. I’m planning to make the Chewy Ginger Cookies with Cardamom and Black Pepper…. well, not this weekend maybe, but Sometime Soon.

Thanks again, Peggy!

Isn’t it funny….

…. that when I’m actually full time, hands-on step-parenting for any extended length of time I have so much less time and energy for blogging about stepfamily life?

Probably all you full time stepmums and mums with kids of your own are shaking your heads pityingly at this moment, maybe even with a phrase on your lips that goes something like:

No shit, Sherlock!

But for formerly single, childless me, the durrr-obvious impact of Christmas and renovations on top of wrangling three boys on their first holiday visit to our city since I started blogging came as a bit of a surprise.

Gone!

Were my fantasies of blogging every day during my holidays.

Whoosh!!!

Went the idea of spending any significant one-on-one time with the Lovely Man.

Kahboom!!!!!!

Exploded, repeatedly, the soundtrack of the PS3 now apparently permanently ensconced in my loungeroom.

Peace be with me at Christmas?

Not likely!

It’s great to be back. Happy New Year, everyone.